Finding my feet again

I have experienced more highs and lows in the last month than in any other period of my life. I was made redundant, holidayed in Spain; became a nanny, long-weekended in Paris. And this past week I lived-in with my charges: juggling swimming lessons, mastering the household’s über-chic oven and dishwasher, and even coping with the six-year-old’s bout of diarrhoea (that exploded all over her bed sheets at midnight on Sunday).

Life isn’t meant to be easy.* Who said that again? But the ups and downs I’ve experienced lately truly give me the jitters. Then I recite my favourite mantra: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

To be honest I think I’ve managed quite well. I’ve sorted out further employment, re-jigged my timetable and still wake up at 5am three mornings a week to go to my Pilates class so as not to break routine. The only sign that I’ve suffered somewhat of a mini-breakdown is the turbo powered activity on my eBay account. In the last 30 days I have spent over £950.00. I hear my mother’s cries of horror through the airwaves!

It’s this insane spending that proves to me that while I’ve been putting on a brave face, there have been deeper issues bubbling below the surface. However, I like to think that my session of self-sabotage is over. My wardrobe is certainly full enough – of designer goodies like a new pair of Miu Miu black patent leather stilettos, a stunning Balenciaga blazer, a take-to-my-grave Chanel LBD and a bright green Chloé gown as seen on Kylie Minogue… to name but a few – and my redundancy payment is more than half spent! After all, 'Admission' is the first step in recovery, isn't it?

The problem is that my new lifestyle (read: timetable) allows too many idle hours in the morning – when friends here are at work and friends back home are sleeping – to waste away on the Internet. And the lure of eBay is that goods can be delivered right to your door, at a fraction of their retail value. But enough is enough.

Scrapping the faeces off the little girl’s bed last Sunday made me realize just how much I earn every penny I make and how I need to start saving once again. For so long I lived in London earning practically no money at all; bound and chained to the discount isles of ASDA and Sainsbury’s, apparently doomed to live a life eating tinned spinach and tuna. Then I landed a 'good job', that paid a decent salary (with benefits) and suddenly I could pay off my debt and start to live a little. When even more suddenly that security was pulled from under me I rebelled in the only way I knew how: I spent.

This afternoon I’ll head out to collect my kidlets driving the family’s Mercedes, wait patiently at the school gates side by side with Elle Macpherson (who’s son is in the class below Master 12) and drive the three kids home to their Holland Park abode ready for their 5pm lesson with their tutors…

A good life, yes. An affluent lifestyle, certainly. I just have to remember, that while I look after Money, for the time being I’m only The Help.