So this is my rationale: I earn a pittance wage and work my butt off on a daily basis so when I do find myself with some money in my purse once bills and rent and food has been accounted for I think, “I deserve a new pair of shoes/a shirt/a jacket.”I rationalise that since there’s very little in my life that is easy or a treat that the occasional retail purchase is more than therapeutic, it’s downright imperative; for my survival and salvation, as a woman and as a human being.
Sounds too much? Maybe. But I argue that without the little things I’m likely to one day crack. And it’s not like I’m going out splurging on a luxury item, I’m thinking shoes (because the ones I wear day-in day-out are literally falling apart) or a jacket (because it’s still winter in London and I’m cold) or a shirt because, well a girl needs new tops every once in a while.
The worst thing is that after banning myself from the likes of H&M, Topshop, Kurt Geiger and the like when I find myself trolling through their aisles I seem unable to warrant even the most necessary purchase. It took me a good month to buy a replacement pair of flats because I couldn’t justify the average price of thirty-quid. This left me walking around London in a pair of shoes so scuffed and worn that I resembled the girl selling The Big Issue down at Victoria Station… And the jacket I have coveted for two weeks after seeing it advertised on WhoWhatWearDaily.com is now out of stock at Topshop, just when I’ve saved up the forty-five pound price tag (with all my pennies).
It’s sad and I’m miserable. Although, I hold on the hope – as I chomp down on my carrot stick lunch – that one day I’ll be in a well-paying job and my memoirs will be worth a mint. On that day, I’ll charge with confidence into Christian Louboutin’s store on Motcomb Street in London’s Knightsbridge and I’ll buy a pair of shoes not because they’re sensible, but because they’re fabulous. And I’ll feel fabulous!
4 comments:
Girly, i feel your pain. i know EXACTLY what you are going through but those Loubous aren�t that far away and yes, you will relish the day when you can drop a wallop on a pair of delightful shoes just because. xo, K
Poor thing - I empathise with you. I read your blog with interest, as I too am an Aussie girl who interned on magazines in London last year.
It's a damn hard slog, but keep your chin up. Don't feel that you have to stay on if it's starting to make you miserable. So long as you keep in touch with your mag contacts and try and do as much freelance work as you can, you'll still be thought of and kept in the loop when new jobs open up.
Don't let it get you down - you always have other (less glamorous but better paid) options. Best of luck.
*sigh* It's miserable when it's hard - you just want a pick-me-up treat and that's still not possible - I'm in the same boat. But one day, and hopefully soon...
Thank you, all of you. And thank you too for reading my rants... In a bid to keep things upbeat I'll try to keep all moaning down to a minimum from now on. Although... I like to think there's humour in the horrible :)
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